It's hard to believe it's been a year since I published this post...one day after suffering a miscarriage. Everyone told me...and deep down I knew...that in time things would get easier. And it has...but I'd be lying if I said I don't still wonder why it happened and that it doesn't hurt. There are flashes of memories from those days that I remember...the dr putting his hands on my knees as I sat on the table in the ultrasound room telling me that I could ask any question I wanted except "why," because he didn't know...the hugs and support from my co-workers as I walked back into work after my appointment, eyes filled with tears and then my boss sending me home because (and he was right) burying myself in work wasn't going to make anything better...the relief and joy i felt when my very best friend called to tell me that she was pregnant with her first and was due in march (about a week before i would have been due) because we all know that if we have to be the 1 in 4 we'd love to be able to pick the other 3. But, having my sweet Kate and looking at her beautiful face every day reminds me that everything does happen for a reason and that there is a master plan. "God doesn't close one door without opening another...but sometimes it's hell in the hallways." For me...for us...getting pregnant again certainly made things easier and when my doctor gave me the go ahead at a follow-up appointment a few weeks after the miscarriage we started trying right away. Things happened pretty quickly and while the first trimester was anxiety-ridden, my focus on the pregnancy certainly helped dull the pain of our loss. I must admit though...the hubs and I...when we talk about whether or not we will try for baby #3...this is the first thing that comes up...S can't bear to think that we might go through this again...and honestly, I feel the same. I remember thinking when we found out we were pregnant with Kate that I simply could not bear losing another baby....I'd be done...perfectly content with just having Addie. Without a doubt, having a miscarriage proved to be one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with but thanks to the wonderful support of my family and friends I got through it...and a year later I sit here staring at my sweet baby girl knowing that without the miscarriage she wouldn't be here and I just can't imagine having anyone but her.
Thank you all for your wonderful support last year....I can't even begin to express how much all of the e-mails and comments meant and how much they helped. The stories and encouragement everyone offered helped me stop the self-pity and trust that everything happens for a reason and that in time things would get easier.
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
My sweet Kate...2 months old
Dearest Kate,My my my....time has literally escaped me and I can't believe another month has already gone by. I know I say it alot but you truly are the sweetest girl and I am so thankful that you have joined our little family. You still love nothing more than to be held and talked to. Your precious little face just lights up and you give us the biggest smiles when we talk to you. You are still an awesome sleeper and have even give us 10+ hours some nights but you aren't much of a napper during the day. You've finally started to like your bumbo...even falling asleep in it one morning!! I'm also so sad to report that you got your first cold this month (we are actually still dealing with it) and it makes me so sad to see your puffy and watery eyes and nose. I'm hoping we'll breeze by this quickly and you'll be feeling 100% in no time. You've also become quite attached to your wubbanub paci (the duck). We had tried several different brands and you just didn't really like any of those so when we tried the wubbanub out with you and you loved it from the start we knew we were in luck!! You start school August 1st and I have such mixed feelings about it all. It makes me sad to know that someone else will be cuddling you and soothing you while I'm at work but I know that it's best for you and I know you will learn SO SO much...plus, your sissy is thrilled that you will be at school with her!
OUR DAY:
Not much has changed from your first month. You eat about 4 ounces at each feeding and have no problem switching back and forth between nursing and bottle-feeding. You aren't napping nearly as much as you did last month but you are so content and loving sitting in your rock n' play and watching the fan or looking for your momma, daddy, or big sissy.
WHAT YOU WEAR:
I think we are on our last leg with the 0-3 month clothing and I've already started pulling out some of your 3-6 month clothing. You are wearing a size 2 in disposables but still snapped up in your cloth diapers. Your trumpette socks are finally starting to fit on your feet and not looking silly!!! We go for your 2 month check-up tomorrow and I can't wait to see how much you've grown from your last appointment.
SECOND MONTH THOUGHTS:
Kate, we are SO SO SO in love with you. Now that I've gone back to work I count the minutes until I get to see you and cuddle you again. You just have this way about you that is so sweet and calming and I feel so lucky to be your momma. Everyone that meets you always comments on your calm and sweet demeanor. You are so tolerant...and almost seem amused by the chaos that is constantly going on around you...we love you sweet girl!!
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
On the tube....
YAY for another day of Jenna's comment challenge. This is such a fun way to meet new bloggers and after a lengthy hiatus it's great to get back into things!! Today's prompt was "favorite TV shows" and I feel like I'm all over the map on this one but here are my top 3!!
1. Grey's Anatomy - I'm a loyal follower of this show...pretty sure I've never missed an episode (thank you, DVR) and I still get excited with the start of every new season. I love watching all of the medical stuff and with the drama layered on...its got about everything I could want in a show. Plus, who doesn't love McDreamy....I mean, seriously.
2. Dateline - I love watching news stories and current events stuff and this just happens to be my favorite of those types of shows. Again, thank you DVR for holding all of these so I can watch them after the girls go to sleep!
3. The Bachelor/Bachelorette - I know...I know...trust me, I've heard it all when I tell people what a fan I am of this show (apparently there must be quite a few of us...these shows have been on forever)...but I love a good story and some of the stuff that goes on in these shows is just too good to pass up. Does anyone remember the "weather man"...I can't remember what season he was on but the hubs and I still joke about him to this day...haha!
Outside of these, I really don't watch too much TV...I love a good documentary...I'm a dork, I know.
If you're here from Jenna's link-up, thank you so much for stopping by!!!
1. Grey's Anatomy - I'm a loyal follower of this show...pretty sure I've never missed an episode (thank you, DVR) and I still get excited with the start of every new season. I love watching all of the medical stuff and with the drama layered on...its got about everything I could want in a show. Plus, who doesn't love McDreamy....I mean, seriously.
2. Dateline - I love watching news stories and current events stuff and this just happens to be my favorite of those types of shows. Again, thank you DVR for holding all of these so I can watch them after the girls go to sleep!
3. The Bachelor/Bachelorette - I know...I know...trust me, I've heard it all when I tell people what a fan I am of this show (apparently there must be quite a few of us...these shows have been on forever)...but I love a good story and some of the stuff that goes on in these shows is just too good to pass up. Does anyone remember the "weather man"...I can't remember what season he was on but the hubs and I still joke about him to this day...haha!
Outside of these, I really don't watch too much TV...I love a good documentary...I'm a dork, I know.
If you're here from Jenna's link-up, thank you so much for stopping by!!!
Monday, July 22, 2013
Week in Review
I just love this "week in review" post. I find myself stopping to take pictures that I otherwise may not have captured so that I can document our week!! So...here's to another week:
Firsts of the week:
from left to right and top to bottom:
1. I hosted Bunco!! I've been playing for the past year with a group of girls that meets once a month at one of our homes for food, drinks, a little bunco, and most importantly girl talk. I know...seems like an old lady game...but it's fun and mindless and I enjoy the company. I had hoped to take pictures of the food and drinks but only managed to get one of the tray of chips #hostfail
2. My wedding rings fit again! I took them off at around 32 weeks with Kate and just finally managed to get them back on. Yippee...happy day.
3. First glass of wine in a year. It was amazing...delicious....better than I remembered.
4. Addie's first manicure...or rather, just nail painting!!! No worries...we used Piggy Paint, which is nontoxic...she loved it. I did her toes too...in a fun green color and she was so excited.
Addie's week:
1. "I got my own golf cubs, daddy." Pretty sure those words just sealed her fate as a golfer..all S can talk about is taking her out on the course with him so she can hit a few around.
2. That's Mumble...getting a first row seat to his own movie "Happy Feet." Addie insisted on putting him there...it was certainly good for a laugh.
3. Someone found grandma's lipstick....at least she applied it to the appropriate area of her face and managed to not get it all over the walls or anyone else.
4. On Sunday morning I asked Addie to help me by getting a new bib for Kate. Out of the gazillion bibs we have (reflux is no joke) this is the one Addie picked. Clearly she can't read and didn't know what she was picking but it made my momma heart smile.
Kate's week:
1. Big smiles on "meet and greet" day at Kate's school for the newborn room. I took Kate in and she slept the entire time but I at least got to meet her teachers and get all sorts of information on how her day will go and what she will need....phew, it's alot to remember!
2. Cheers to this girl for finally warming up to her bumbo chair....so much so, she fell asleep in it..ha!
3. My sweet girl snuggled in my arms napping. I'm trying to soak up as much of this as possible...love this sweet girl.
4. Her feet are at the end of her 0-3 month clothing...how is that possible?!
Highlights of the week:
1. Maybe not a "highlight" but definitely a high....holy, weather. It was insanely hot last week...I felt zapped as soon as I stepped outside.
2. A very special girl celebrated her birthday!!!
3. Yum...we found an awesome new recipe from the chew thanks to my daytime TV watching. They were amazing and I plan to share the recipe soon...but if you can't wait and want to try these out the recipe is on the chew's website (hawaiian pork tenderloin sliders).
4. This picture may seem pretty simple...but that little doll in Kate's hand just so happens to be Addie's world. That's Prudence and Addie has to know where she is at all times. She LOVES Prudence...so that fact that she gave her to Kate to hold...was monumental. Watching Addie's love for Kate grow is one of the best gifts motherhood has given me.
So...if you made it all the way to the end...thanks for reading...phew, that was alot!!!
Firsts of the week:
from left to right and top to bottom:
1. I hosted Bunco!! I've been playing for the past year with a group of girls that meets once a month at one of our homes for food, drinks, a little bunco, and most importantly girl talk. I know...seems like an old lady game...but it's fun and mindless and I enjoy the company. I had hoped to take pictures of the food and drinks but only managed to get one of the tray of chips #hostfail
2. My wedding rings fit again! I took them off at around 32 weeks with Kate and just finally managed to get them back on. Yippee...happy day.
3. First glass of wine in a year. It was amazing...delicious....better than I remembered.
4. Addie's first manicure...or rather, just nail painting!!! No worries...we used Piggy Paint, which is nontoxic...she loved it. I did her toes too...in a fun green color and she was so excited.
Addie's week:
1. "I got my own golf cubs, daddy." Pretty sure those words just sealed her fate as a golfer..all S can talk about is taking her out on the course with him so she can hit a few around.
2. That's Mumble...getting a first row seat to his own movie "Happy Feet." Addie insisted on putting him there...it was certainly good for a laugh.
3. Someone found grandma's lipstick....at least she applied it to the appropriate area of her face and managed to not get it all over the walls or anyone else.
4. On Sunday morning I asked Addie to help me by getting a new bib for Kate. Out of the gazillion bibs we have (reflux is no joke) this is the one Addie picked. Clearly she can't read and didn't know what she was picking but it made my momma heart smile.
Kate's week:
1. Big smiles on "meet and greet" day at Kate's school for the newborn room. I took Kate in and she slept the entire time but I at least got to meet her teachers and get all sorts of information on how her day will go and what she will need....phew, it's alot to remember!
2. Cheers to this girl for finally warming up to her bumbo chair....so much so, she fell asleep in it..ha!
3. My sweet girl snuggled in my arms napping. I'm trying to soak up as much of this as possible...love this sweet girl.
4. Her feet are at the end of her 0-3 month clothing...how is that possible?!
Highlights of the week:
1. Maybe not a "highlight" but definitely a high....holy, weather. It was insanely hot last week...I felt zapped as soon as I stepped outside.
2. A very special girl celebrated her birthday!!!
3. Yum...we found an awesome new recipe from the chew thanks to my daytime TV watching. They were amazing and I plan to share the recipe soon...but if you can't wait and want to try these out the recipe is on the chew's website (hawaiian pork tenderloin sliders).
4. This picture may seem pretty simple...but that little doll in Kate's hand just so happens to be Addie's world. That's Prudence and Addie has to know where she is at all times. She LOVES Prudence...so that fact that she gave her to Kate to hold...was monumental. Watching Addie's love for Kate grow is one of the best gifts motherhood has given me.
So...if you made it all the way to the end...thanks for reading...phew, that was alot!!!
Jenna's 4th Annual Comment Challenge
Good Monday morning (is that even possible?!)....I'm so excited that Jenna's 4th annual comment challenge starts this week!!! I joined in two years ago and found some wonderful new blogs to read along with and I'm really looking forward to doing that again this year. It's really easy...link up and try to comment on 10 new blogs a day...but no worries if you can't do 10...no one will throw you off the island! Jenna will also post topics for each day that you can use to get started or blog about whatever...just remember to try and reach out to some fellow bloggers!!!Today's suggested topic is an "About Me" post or if you already have a page on your blog about that, than link there. I've actually just updated mine...so if you are stopping by from the comment challenge you can click that "About Me" title up above. Thanks for stopping by!!!
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
WW...Kate's newborn pictures...just her
Monday, July 15, 2013
week in review...
I had SO much fun snapping pictures of the silly little goings-on in our life this past week...amen to the iphone...what in the world did we do before we had phones with cameras!! I'm linking up again with Kat at "Living Like the Kings" to share our week in review.
what we did:
from left to right and top to bottom:
1. i made it through another "couch to 5K" workout and broke the 2 mile mark...with the help of a new pair of running shoes. I bought my last pair before Steve and I started dating which makes them at least 7 years old...eeekk! Kate spent lots of time on her tummy....well, kind of. The little girl rolls from her tummy to her back these days...so tummy time is kind of a joke in our house.
2. we took a family tour of the neighborhood...always fun to see what the neighbors are up to.
3. i did some crafting...made my first bunting banner...thanks to a tutorial from my dear friend Lis. I must admit though..she glued it all together for me last time and this time I was alone and definitely glued it all together backwards and didn't realize until I went to hang it...cue the panic. Luckily, I was able to reassemble very quickly and all was not lost. All in honor of celebrating my mom's sixtieth...we had a surprise party at my house (i got no pictures because I was running around like a mad woman trying to do last minute things...like reassemble this banner..haha)
4. we had the pleasure of cleaning "Lake Dunkin" out of our coffee cup holder in our truck thanks to a hole in the bottom of the hubs iced coffee. fun times.
what we ate:
1. chocolate chip pancakes - I'm such a fan - it totally makes me feel like a kid again.
2. steak fajitas - we used some delicious flat iron steak...marinated with lime, cilantro, salt, pepper, garlic, and olive oil...and then added all of our favorite toppings
3. strawberry champagne jam toast - My favorite jam that we pick up at our local farmers market...it's amazing.
4. grilled caprese - I've got fresh tomatoes from my mom's garden but totally didn't feel like cooking bacon to make a BLT (my favorite summer lunch)...so I grabbed some of the basil I had in my window box...some mozarella and havarti cheese we had in the fridge and through it together for a fun twist on a grilled cheese...i highly recommend it!
my girls:
1. addie LOVE LOVE LOVES her baby sister...she is always asking about her and talking to her....I got lucky and was able to capture this picture of the girls this weekend from my parent's house...Addie was so sweet trying to entertain Kate while she got her diap changed.
2. a rare moment in our house...both girls napping at the same time.
3. we went out on a family fro-yo date...Addie and Barbie decided to dine together at the "Little Dippers" table.
4. another rare moment of Kate actually taking her paci...I've been on the verge of picking up another brand to see if she just doesn't like the type I've got for her but she really does just fine without it most of the time...so maybe not.
kate's week:
1. SMILES...we got smiles this week!!!! Something that just never gets old.
2. it was cuteness overload...I was working on some party crafting and I looked over to see this going on in my living room...can we say "daddy's girl"
3. bath time - one of kate's favorite things to do...she just loves to kick her little feet around!
4. bumbo time - one of kate's LEAST favorite things to do - yep, that would be her angry face.
So that was it...our week in review...fun times.
what we did:
from left to right and top to bottom:
1. i made it through another "couch to 5K" workout and broke the 2 mile mark...with the help of a new pair of running shoes. I bought my last pair before Steve and I started dating which makes them at least 7 years old...eeekk! Kate spent lots of time on her tummy....well, kind of. The little girl rolls from her tummy to her back these days...so tummy time is kind of a joke in our house.
2. we took a family tour of the neighborhood...always fun to see what the neighbors are up to.
3. i did some crafting...made my first bunting banner...thanks to a tutorial from my dear friend Lis. I must admit though..she glued it all together for me last time and this time I was alone and definitely glued it all together backwards and didn't realize until I went to hang it...cue the panic. Luckily, I was able to reassemble very quickly and all was not lost. All in honor of celebrating my mom's sixtieth...we had a surprise party at my house (i got no pictures because I was running around like a mad woman trying to do last minute things...like reassemble this banner..haha)
4. we had the pleasure of cleaning "Lake Dunkin" out of our coffee cup holder in our truck thanks to a hole in the bottom of the hubs iced coffee. fun times.
what we ate:
1. chocolate chip pancakes - I'm such a fan - it totally makes me feel like a kid again.
2. steak fajitas - we used some delicious flat iron steak...marinated with lime, cilantro, salt, pepper, garlic, and olive oil...and then added all of our favorite toppings
3. strawberry champagne jam toast - My favorite jam that we pick up at our local farmers market...it's amazing.
4. grilled caprese - I've got fresh tomatoes from my mom's garden but totally didn't feel like cooking bacon to make a BLT (my favorite summer lunch)...so I grabbed some of the basil I had in my window box...some mozarella and havarti cheese we had in the fridge and through it together for a fun twist on a grilled cheese...i highly recommend it!
my girls:
1. addie LOVE LOVE LOVES her baby sister...she is always asking about her and talking to her....I got lucky and was able to capture this picture of the girls this weekend from my parent's house...Addie was so sweet trying to entertain Kate while she got her diap changed.
2. a rare moment in our house...both girls napping at the same time.
3. we went out on a family fro-yo date...Addie and Barbie decided to dine together at the "Little Dippers" table.
4. another rare moment of Kate actually taking her paci...I've been on the verge of picking up another brand to see if she just doesn't like the type I've got for her but she really does just fine without it most of the time...so maybe not.
kate's week:
1. SMILES...we got smiles this week!!!! Something that just never gets old.
2. it was cuteness overload...I was working on some party crafting and I looked over to see this going on in my living room...can we say "daddy's girl"
3. bath time - one of kate's favorite things to do...she just loves to kick her little feet around!
4. bumbo time - one of kate's LEAST favorite things to do - yep, that would be her angry face.
So that was it...our week in review...fun times.
Friday, July 12, 2013
Five on Friday
I wanted to blog today....but had a little bit of bloggers block until I came across this fun link-up which seemed to be just what I needed...you just pick 5 things that are rolling around in your head and blog em. Perfect for my little mind that is having difficulty putting anything together...so here goes it:
ONE:
Has anyone seen what I'll call the "moms section" at Hallmark. Funny..lighthearted cards for moms...I know everyone thought I was crazy as I snapped away with my phone at some of these cute cards that would be so fun to send to another momma to lighten her day. Here are some of my faves:
TWO:
I have an admission to make...I don't always change my clothes after getting puked on by my 6 week old...matter of fact, i rarely do. Kate has reflux...meaning I spend a good bit of my time getting puked on...she likes a squirt toy...any change in position or attempt to lift her up and it just flows. I'm in that weird stage where my normal clothes don't fit and maternity clothes don't either so my selection is limited and sometimes I just have to wipe it off and roll with it. Now the baby...she gets changed everytime she soaks her clothes...in case that was your next question.
THREE:
I'm on the two week countdown to returning to work....eeeppp...it hurts just to write that. I'm SO glad I chose to take an extra two weeks this time around but its still going to be hard...I'll be playing the lottery more often.
FOUR:
I got new running shoes last week...I've only used them once but gosh, I really needed those. What a difference a new pair of shoes makes....maybe now I can actually stick to my little workout plan.
FIVE:
You know you have a slight obsession with Toms shoes when you get this text from your bestie after Toms make another cameo on Zulily....
If you want to join in the fun or just read what everyone else is sharing...head over to "The Good Life" and link-up!
ONE:
Has anyone seen what I'll call the "moms section" at Hallmark. Funny..lighthearted cards for moms...I know everyone thought I was crazy as I snapped away with my phone at some of these cute cards that would be so fun to send to another momma to lighten her day. Here are some of my faves:
 |
| Or...when your toddler says something and you totally know what they are saying but everyone else looks at you and says "what did she say?" |
 |
| HAHA...sometimes you just need some time out! |
 |
| I can totally relate. |
I have an admission to make...I don't always change my clothes after getting puked on by my 6 week old...matter of fact, i rarely do. Kate has reflux...meaning I spend a good bit of my time getting puked on...she likes a squirt toy...any change in position or attempt to lift her up and it just flows. I'm in that weird stage where my normal clothes don't fit and maternity clothes don't either so my selection is limited and sometimes I just have to wipe it off and roll with it. Now the baby...she gets changed everytime she soaks her clothes...in case that was your next question.
THREE:
I'm on the two week countdown to returning to work....eeeppp...it hurts just to write that. I'm SO glad I chose to take an extra two weeks this time around but its still going to be hard...I'll be playing the lottery more often.
FOUR:
I got new running shoes last week...I've only used them once but gosh, I really needed those. What a difference a new pair of shoes makes....maybe now I can actually stick to my little workout plan.
FIVE:
You know you have a slight obsession with Toms shoes when you get this text from your bestie after Toms make another cameo on Zulily....
If you want to join in the fun or just read what everyone else is sharing...head over to "The Good Life" and link-up!
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Kate's birth story...part II
Ok, so where I left off...begging the doctor to induce me. I mean..I didn't beg - but I was fully prepared to. If you missed part I, you can read it here.
After finding out Tuesday morning that I would be induced on Thursday but would need to arrive Wednesday night for cervical ripening (I was 2cm dilated but only about 50% effaced) anxiety was building. Leaving the doctors office was a bit of a blur...they handed me a slip with some directions for when to arrive and what was involved with an induction....and explained that Cytotec would be used for my cervical ripening...not Cervidil and then they would break my water in the morning and Pitocin would follow. Normally, I would have researched the living you know what out of this...but I hadn't....I was totally unprepared. I just figured they would bring me in Thursday morning and break my water and give me some pitocin and we would have a baby by dinner...cervical ripening was not something I thought they would need to do. So, I had about 36 hours to figure out what Cytotec was and if I was ok with it...dr. google to the rescue...or not. HORROR STORIES....seriously, y'all....bad stuff on the internet about Cytotec. Words like uterine rupture, hemorrhaging, placental abruption...even death...just horrible awful things. I was terrified...but I read and read and read...determined to get to the bottom of what the truth was. I don't know if I got there...but I got comfortable enough not to call off the induction...which I was fully prepared to do. I'm no doctor...but if you're wondering how I got comfortable...here it is: almost all of the horror stories I read involved doses of 50-100+mcg being given to women to induce labor. My doctor would only be administering a 25mcg dose..with full monitoring...and from what I could find - this seemed to do a nice job of preparing women for labor to begin.
Fast forward to Wednesday morning...I was feeling a ton of anxiety...as evidenced by my inability to think about anything other than cleaning out my bathroom closet and refrigerator (literally the only 2 places I hadn't deep cleaned in the past 2 months thanks to my nesting instinct)...so I went to work and asked my boss if I could take a half day off to go home and get those things done before going to the hospital...call me crazy - its ok - i'm fully aware! He obliged...I got all of my "out of office" stuff set and said my good-byes and walked out feeling a little weird knowing I was "going to have a baby." I got my cleaning done...got Addie all packed to stay with my parents and anxiously awaited "go-time."
We dropped Addie at my parents...and that's when the anxiety and fear really started to take over...child birth is no walk in the park and I know there are risks. I was scared...scared if something happened Addie would suffer. I put it all to the back of my mind...kissed her and told her I loved her no less than a 1,000 times and told my parents we'd be in touch in the morning with news on how things were progressing...but not to worry, nothing would be happening tonight...it was just to get me ready for the morning.
We arrived at the hospital a little before our scheduled time and lugged our stuff up to labor and delivery. It was so surreal to go into the hospital knowing we wouldn't be sent home...we were simply arriving for our "its time to have your baby" time slot. We checked in and got sent down the hall to meet our l&d nurse and get settled in our room. I spied my doc as we were walking to meet our nurse and we waved....and a sense of calmness washed over me. Nurse Betsey was our l&d nurse and she showed us to our room...handed me a gown and asked me to get changed. Still a little nervous about the Cytotec induction...I figured Betsey would know best so I asked her her opinion. She said she'd seen it done a million times and actually had a Cytotec induction with one of her children and had no issues. This settled my nerves even more. She hooked me up to all of the monitors as asked if I had been having any contractions. Well...I had been feeling awfully crampy all afternoon and had felt some more substantial cramps in the car but chalked it up to being on my feet all afternoon frantically cleaning up those last minute things and not contractions. Contractions they were....4 minutes apart to be exact. YES!!! Maybe this meant we wouldn't need the induction after all and I could just labor on my own. Womp...womp...womp...after a cervical check...there was no change from my last doctor's appointment so she checked with my doc and he decided he still wanted to proceed with the cytotec. The nurse warned that the cytotec might increase the intensity and frequency of the contractions...but no dice...I felt no change. And after about 15 minutes of being on one side I really wanted out of the bed. I was so uncomfortable...but I knew I had to stay put for 2 hours for the Cytotec to do what it needed to do. The nurse came in an offered up some Ambien to help me get some sleep...I politely declined...but as soon as the 2 hours was up I was eager to get out of bed. She let me but only to go to the bathroom....insert a really angry face here. "Only to go to the bathroom"??? You mean...I can't walk around and take the pressure off my hips (since laying flat on my back was out)...oh dear god, I'll never make it. I figured my best bet was to just try and get some sleep...it was almost 1am and while the anxiety and excitement of Kate's arrival and painful pressure on my hips was making it hard to sleep...I figured I'd better try. We turned the TV off and the lights down and settled in...until about 5 minutes later when I felt a pop and then a trickle....
**I understand that inductions are controversial...as is the use of Cytotec. I am simply documenting my story for my own memories and firmly believe that every woman needs to make her own decisions based on what she believes to be best for her. I am not a doctor or a medical professional and what I have documented above is not meant to encourage or discourage anyone to make the decisions I have**
After finding out Tuesday morning that I would be induced on Thursday but would need to arrive Wednesday night for cervical ripening (I was 2cm dilated but only about 50% effaced) anxiety was building. Leaving the doctors office was a bit of a blur...they handed me a slip with some directions for when to arrive and what was involved with an induction....and explained that Cytotec would be used for my cervical ripening...not Cervidil and then they would break my water in the morning and Pitocin would follow. Normally, I would have researched the living you know what out of this...but I hadn't....I was totally unprepared. I just figured they would bring me in Thursday morning and break my water and give me some pitocin and we would have a baby by dinner...cervical ripening was not something I thought they would need to do. So, I had about 36 hours to figure out what Cytotec was and if I was ok with it...dr. google to the rescue...or not. HORROR STORIES....seriously, y'all....bad stuff on the internet about Cytotec. Words like uterine rupture, hemorrhaging, placental abruption...even death...just horrible awful things. I was terrified...but I read and read and read...determined to get to the bottom of what the truth was. I don't know if I got there...but I got comfortable enough not to call off the induction...which I was fully prepared to do. I'm no doctor...but if you're wondering how I got comfortable...here it is: almost all of the horror stories I read involved doses of 50-100+mcg being given to women to induce labor. My doctor would only be administering a 25mcg dose..with full monitoring...and from what I could find - this seemed to do a nice job of preparing women for labor to begin.
Fast forward to Wednesday morning...I was feeling a ton of anxiety...as evidenced by my inability to think about anything other than cleaning out my bathroom closet and refrigerator (literally the only 2 places I hadn't deep cleaned in the past 2 months thanks to my nesting instinct)...so I went to work and asked my boss if I could take a half day off to go home and get those things done before going to the hospital...call me crazy - its ok - i'm fully aware! He obliged...I got all of my "out of office" stuff set and said my good-byes and walked out feeling a little weird knowing I was "going to have a baby." I got my cleaning done...got Addie all packed to stay with my parents and anxiously awaited "go-time."
We dropped Addie at my parents...and that's when the anxiety and fear really started to take over...child birth is no walk in the park and I know there are risks. I was scared...scared if something happened Addie would suffer. I put it all to the back of my mind...kissed her and told her I loved her no less than a 1,000 times and told my parents we'd be in touch in the morning with news on how things were progressing...but not to worry, nothing would be happening tonight...it was just to get me ready for the morning.
We arrived at the hospital a little before our scheduled time and lugged our stuff up to labor and delivery. It was so surreal to go into the hospital knowing we wouldn't be sent home...we were simply arriving for our "its time to have your baby" time slot. We checked in and got sent down the hall to meet our l&d nurse and get settled in our room. I spied my doc as we were walking to meet our nurse and we waved....and a sense of calmness washed over me. Nurse Betsey was our l&d nurse and she showed us to our room...handed me a gown and asked me to get changed. Still a little nervous about the Cytotec induction...I figured Betsey would know best so I asked her her opinion. She said she'd seen it done a million times and actually had a Cytotec induction with one of her children and had no issues. This settled my nerves even more. She hooked me up to all of the monitors as asked if I had been having any contractions. Well...I had been feeling awfully crampy all afternoon and had felt some more substantial cramps in the car but chalked it up to being on my feet all afternoon frantically cleaning up those last minute things and not contractions. Contractions they were....4 minutes apart to be exact. YES!!! Maybe this meant we wouldn't need the induction after all and I could just labor on my own. Womp...womp...womp...after a cervical check...there was no change from my last doctor's appointment so she checked with my doc and he decided he still wanted to proceed with the cytotec. The nurse warned that the cytotec might increase the intensity and frequency of the contractions...but no dice...I felt no change. And after about 15 minutes of being on one side I really wanted out of the bed. I was so uncomfortable...but I knew I had to stay put for 2 hours for the Cytotec to do what it needed to do. The nurse came in an offered up some Ambien to help me get some sleep...I politely declined...but as soon as the 2 hours was up I was eager to get out of bed. She let me but only to go to the bathroom....insert a really angry face here. "Only to go to the bathroom"??? You mean...I can't walk around and take the pressure off my hips (since laying flat on my back was out)...oh dear god, I'll never make it. I figured my best bet was to just try and get some sleep...it was almost 1am and while the anxiety and excitement of Kate's arrival and painful pressure on my hips was making it hard to sleep...I figured I'd better try. We turned the TV off and the lights down and settled in...until about 5 minutes later when I felt a pop and then a trickle....
**I understand that inductions are controversial...as is the use of Cytotec. I am simply documenting my story for my own memories and firmly believe that every woman needs to make her own decisions based on what she believes to be best for her. I am not a doctor or a medical professional and what I have documented above is not meant to encourage or discourage anyone to make the decisions I have**
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
WW...our 4th...the outtakes
because this is just a smattering of the pictures we usually get when trying to "capture the moment"...but that one picture that's perfect...makes all of these funnies worth it!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)