Thursday, May 10, 2012

One and done?

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We're not....but same days I think we could be.  I struggle with this concept on an almost daily basis....I feel like things are perfect right now...Addie is happy and healthy....the budget is balanced...our house is the perfect size...we have our schedules down....life is good.  I know having all of those things make us incredibly lucky...my pregnancy with Addie was perfect other than some annoying spotting that went on during my entire pregnancy....are we tempting fate with baby #2...upsetting the apple cart?!

Who knows...right?!  God has a plan for all of us and I certainly can't say as I sit here today what mine is but there is one thing that constantly nags at me....Addie needs a sibling (at least one - not knocking only children here either)....I have a brother and I'm so thankful for that.  Someone to confide in...laugh with...cry with...share holidays with...make fun of your parents with.  And...I want her to be close in age to her sibling...I always wish I was closer in age to my brother...I also wish I had another sibling (not a knock to my parents either)....so is my desire to have 3 children just a reflection of what I wanted as a child....confused at my train of thought yet, i am?!

I also worry...alot....worry about my ability to care for another child and still give Addie everything I have...worry about surviving those first 6 weeks...or really 6 months....worry about Addie not understanding that she's not the only one in the house...worry about our house being too small and needing to upsize (moving is not my thing)....worry about everything and nothing.

As you can imagine this subject comes up alot in my house....and I know me...the worrying...the going back and forth between whether or not to take that leap of faith...I was the SAME way before I got pregnant with Addie...I didn't know if it was the right time.  Even after getting the positive result on the pee stick...I felt an overwhelming sense of..."are you really ready?"  And I was...and about 4 months into my pregnancy I was wishing we already had a baby.  So I know...this is me....my way of not rushing into what one should consider "one of the biggest decisions of their life"...because I'm spontaneous and impulsive...and I want 3 kids...maybe.

16 comments:

Our Happy Married Life... said...

I hear ya! As Olivia gets easier and easier I wonder when will be a good time to have another. (not any time soon don't worry). Should we have them close in age? far apart? wait until she's old enough for certain things before bringing another one in to the picture? what about being a working mom with 2? etc etc etc. it's totally normal. Whatever you decide will be the right thing. Good luck mama!

Lindsey said...

Are you INSIDE my head? That is currently my stream of conscious too. Because I am a teacher, we are going to be trying soon, so that I won't have maternity leave in the middle of the school year. However, it was first my husband who said one and done after having Connor. I begged for 3 total. Now he mentioned three the other night and my eyes bugged because I keep thinking maybe just Connor would be ok? I don't want to have another miscarriage and this would be the first pregnancy I would know about my clotting disorder BEFORE I get pregnant. Seeing the statistics regarding that? Scares the shit out of me. I am the one that needs to be talked into getting pregnant this time :/

Although, the only solace I find in all of this is that even if life is good right now with routine, etc.? Kids don't get settled. And when they do? Everything changes to keep us on our toes. So, no matter how comfortable this season of life is for us, it won't remain, thanks to Connor and his every busy body. It is their job to keep us on our toes, right?

Take care!

Becky said...

Same boat. I have the days where I think things are so perfect right now that like you said we shouldn't tempt fate. But I too (coming from a family of four kids) want that for Harper. I just don't necessarily want that for me...is that so bad to say? Being a full time working mom makes time such a precious resource. But I also can't really imagine not having just one more...

Melissa at Tall Blonde said...

You know where I am with the subject. :)

I still struggle daily though. Are we ready for this?

I feel like what happens is meant to happen, so either way we'll be great!

Ashley said...

I can say that I am the oldest of four, I don't really like my siblings at all. Each time my mom had another baby, I just wasn't into it. I have twins, so I instantly felt guilt about how both of them would feel because I don't consider a sibling something that is necessary for happiness (and in my case, causes a lot more harm than good). They seem to be good friends so far, but I am nervous for the future after my experience with siblings!

Joeylee said...

Great post. As a mom of 2 I had all these same concerns but after having my 2nd everything just fell into place. I worried kaylee would be jealous but she wasn't. I wondered how am I going to split my time & when the baby would nap kaylee & I had our time. When you have your second everything will fall into place

Kat said...

It's like a mirror of my own feelings on paper. i feel the same way and FELT the same way. I wanted a baby so badly, but when it was time to start trying I got nervous and scared. When I peed on the stick and it didn't say Positive I was upset. The next day when it told me I was pregnant (how impatient am i?), I was freaked out. Jon and I have always said that we want 2 kids and it looks like he's on the same page, but I wonder....what if we just had this one? What if this is enough? What if Addi doesn't want a sibling? What if I don't want to go through another pregnancy, another labor, another year of breastfeeding....what if I'll regret not having another baby? what if Addi will forever blame us for being selfish and not giving her a sibling? What if???

Tami said...

This post puts my thoughts into words EXACTLY! I even told Jesse the other day that we got so lucky with Emerson. She's healthy and happy and I hate to mess with a good thing! But you are so right- our sweet girls deserve to have a sibling and it will be so fun to see those two pink lines again!! Eeek! I get butterflies just thinking about it!

Ginger said...

these posts are so hard for me to read. we're one and done, but it's for totally logistical/rational/financial reasons and not an emotions-based decision. (We want to pay for her to go to college anywhere. We can't afford for a parent to stay home for 2 years with another baby like we did with her. etc etc)
The thing is, most people are ok with whether or not they have siblings because they don't know any differently. I do believe that MOST people with siblings are quite glad to have them, but MOST only children I know are happy for the different advantages of that lifetsyle. Of course there will be exceptions to every rule! As far as your quandary, I have one brother who is 7.5 years younger, and I think that's too far of a gap.

LOVE MELISSA:) said...

I can so relate to this. Hayley was a horrible baby so I was really torn when I found out when I was pregnant with Zane, 19 months later. THen Zane came along and he was the easiest baby. Now, I am contemplating a third but my husband is against it. We shall see. My mom was an only child and wished she had siblings; however, my friend is an only child and loved it!

Happiness Is... said...

I never questioned whether I wanted multiple kids, but I do worry about the financial and logistical strain. My brother is 8 years younger and therefore we're not close at all. We're as close as we can be but realistically? That's a big difference. We will take the plunge and I have this dream of 3 kids close in age (which is exactly what I did NOT have) but I am sure if we get that then I will be pulling my hair out. Kids and babies are hard either way .... I think I'd regret only having one. I know I am ready because I crave a newborn and really miss that sweet stage. I think you know you're done when the thought of that sounds totally unappealing.

Emmy said...

Growing up I had 5 brothers and sisters and thought I would have 4 or 5 kids of my own. But then after two for a while I thought maybe that was it, all I could handle-- but my third, he has rounded everything off perfectly for us and now we are done.

You will be amazed at how your abilities and your heart grows when you have another- it doesn't seem possible, but it happens, it is really a miracle.

Kelli Kegley said...

Girl, I bawled after that first ultrasound with Cade! I was so worried about Connor feeling abandoned and my ability to take care of two. I had obviously thought about it all, but seeing that sweet baby on the screen made it much more real. So, those feelings are completely normal! We both knew, or thought, we were ready and just put it in Gods hands once we started trying. I'm sure the answer will come to you soon :)

Amber said...

I could've written this. I have this conversation with myself everyday. I'm the oldest of 5, so I've always wanted a big family. Now after having my first, I struggle with the thought of loving another child as much as I love my daughter. I know this will become a non-issue when the others eventually arrive, but I still struggle with the thought. Glad to know I'm not the only one :)

Kim Kauffman said...

I have been having these exact same thoughts/fears. My husband just told me last night that he'd rather have our next one sooner than later and I panicked a little inside. The first year was TOUGH for me...Alivia had severe acid reflux and never slept and would never be put down. It was exhausting/overwhelming. I know next time would be different for a lot of reasons but I am still afraid. I think it's one of those things I'll never feel ready for and just need to jump in because I know we want a second child.

Faith said...

aww for about three years i seriously wanted to a third baby. but nothing played out right. and still today, my youngest will soon turn 5, we are still waiting on God's "go ahead". i have an older bro and sis and it def had more advantages to having siblings then and esp now. when the time is right, you'll just know. :)